Friday, November 18, 2011

Concerning the Art of Giving and Receiving Gifts

Following my last post which may have been on the abstract side, I wanted to write about something more practical. As many of us are preparing for a season of the year commonly associated with gift giving, the most physical form of gratitude, I think it would be prudent to spend some time celebrating gifts themselves - a topic of great personal interest to me. The subject of gift giving is indeed so broad that I have decided to split the discussion into three posts over the coming weeks. This week I want to talk about gift giving as an art form, followed next week by ideas for giving genuine gifts, and finally advice on receiving a gift gracefully with real gratitude. 

An Art

Perhaps you've never considered the giving of presents as an art form before. When we think of gifts, most of us imagine large boxes wrapped in colorful paper. Either mechanically purchased by parents from Santa's wish list - which produces a room full of spent ribbon and plastic wrap, shiny new objects of no real emotional significance, and distressed parents who wonder if the fuss and bratty attitudes were even worth it. Or perhaps we think of gifts as awkwardly and painstakingly chosen for an office party or secret santa project, in which givers feel obligated to produce something meaningful for someone they may barely know, and receivers dread the moment when they have to pretend that they're excited by their new sweater, gift card, snow globe, etc. It is not hard to understand why gift giving has been reduced to a monetary maximum or done away with altogether among families across America during the holidays, barring special occasions and relationships. I think this is a big reason why some people hide their birthdays from their coworkers, and dread as the holidays approach. Often, the idea of giving or receiving a gift from someone is dreadful. 

But consider for a moment the greatest gift you have ever received. I don't mean in the more abstract sense of the word, that is, how we might describe the gift of our mother's love during our childhood, or the gift of forgiveness, or grace, or something else like this. No, by "gift" I mean a specific physical object, chosen with intention by one person, and given, without compulsion or expectation of reciprocation, for the purpose of expressing a love for another. This is an important question whether or not you want to give good gifts. It's especially important if you want to be a grateful person. What is the greatest gift anyone has ever given you? 

When asked this question, a friend of mine recently told me the following story: As a young boy, he enjoyed hunting with his father. They often went hunting with a friend of the family from the neighborhood. He hunted with this man for several years, they spent a lot of time together and established a relationship. Alongside his father, the man taught him how to hunt well - how to track, how to pack out a buck, how to care for his equipment. As my friend grew into adolescence, he learned that the man was in declining health. He saw him less and less, until one day, my friend and his father stopped by the man's house to say hello. While they were chatting, the man called him into the room where he kept his rifles. By now a young man, my friend stood in the doorway and watched as the man slowly looked over his collection of firearms.  He reached up and carefully pulled down his deer rifle, the crown jewel of his collection. The man hefted the gun in his hands and emptied the chamber. He pulled it up to his eye, looked through the scope at one final imaginary buck, and handed it to the young man. "Take care of it," he said. My friend humbly thanked him and went home. The man died some time later. 

A good gift, given well, can express what words cannot. When we give a gift, we make a choice. Every day we are surrounded by, and interact with, people and things that make our lives meaningful. Think about the objects in your life of deep personal significance. A blanket from your childhood. A nice set of tools that you and your Dad use. An old family sofa that you slept on on sunday afternoons. A familiar coffee mug. Our days are filled with seemingly inconsequential things that become valuable and  comfortable to us through use over time. It's why we can say things like, "Where is that one jacket that I like?" "I love this coffee maker" "Where is the good shovel?" Out of that deep pool of physical objects we have at our disposal, out of all the tools, toys, and items through which have our little pleasures, earn our bread, speak our minds, build meaningful things, have our daily lives; out of all of the things we can hold in our hands, we choose a single object, and entrust it with the impossible task of conveying our love for another human being. If invested with time, meaning, deliberation - what is divine can be shown in what is transitory. A good gift, given well, is a work of art. 

People write books, paint pictures, make music - they do Art to show everyone what is inside of them. An artist may try and capture something great, something beautiful to put on display for all to see. But a gift is different. The giving of a gift narrows all of the intention and beauty of a symphony into one moment, designed for a specific person. It's an opportunity to create a deep, meaningful, unique experience that is only for the giver and the receiver. Something memorable that will act as a physical remainder of your gratitude.

It's not easy. A gift given like this is exceedingly rare. A true masterpiece takes a master in any art form. And gift giving is increasingly becoming a lost art. However, done perfectly, under the perfect circumstances, given with grace, a gift can change a relationship forever.

God, how I wish I could give a single good gift! Perhaps just one perfect gift within an entire lifetime, given with such grace and delicacy, chosen with such skill, at the right place and the right time, that I could show the ones that I love perfectly how grateful I am for them. 

Spend time this following week remembering the good gifts that have been given to you. What made them good? Why do they stick out in your memory? What other things were going on in your life with the giver that made these gifts meaningful? What did these gifts say about your relationship? Next week we'll look at the tools of a gift giving novice, so we can begin practicing the art of good gift giving, and hopefully one day, with practice, become master gift givers. 

3 comments:

  1. I totally agree with your idea of a gift. It is not the value, it is the love that comes with the gift. Gifts are received for many reasons but the best ones that are given for no reason. From ones heart and soul to another.

    Greg, thanks for sharing this. Waiting for the next one.

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  2. Ha... some amusing observations:

    1) This is not a blog post, this is a homily minus the Biblical text - You are destined to lead something... who knows what, but something...

    2) Has Egypt turned you into a sentimentalist? This has all the romanticism of a painting of all watercolor pastels :-) If you keep blogging in this manner, I'm going to insist that we get together when you're stateside again and curl up on some couch with mugs of hot apple cider and watch hours of lifetime or the hallmark channel. I'm really enjoying this side of you.

    3) Of course, I'm glad you're blogging and I intend to continue reading and posting snarky comments. Thats what friends do, right?

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  3. That's got to be Joshua Price. I'd recognize that particular flavor of snark anywhere.

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