The Big Picture

Hello faithful readers. I took last week off for Christmas, but here is something new that I hope you'll enjoy:

There is a particular style of painting and literature which was popular during the enlightenment that I really enjoy. It only lasted for a few years, but it was popular with philosophers because of it's subject matter. Essentially, painters in this style would attempt to recreate the feeling experienced when witnessing an act of nature so big that it completely dwarfs all human perspective. This feeling was called "The Sublime." For an example, you might have this sensation when looking at a stormy ocean, or the grand canyon, or looking down from a mountaintop or an erupting volcano.  It's something between what we might call "awe", "wonder", and "fear". These paintings were often frightening, as they demonstrated the awesome power of nature to destroy, in dynamic and forceful action. This particular sensation is something like the "fear of God" talked about in religious circles, to which the only reasonable response is to watch in silence, mouth agape. A painting in this style intended to get the following points across:

1. Nature is powerful

2. People are small

3. Nature is BIG. Too big to be able to wrap your head around in fact. 

Philosophers like Kant appreciated this style specifically for this third point; seeing sublime paintings forced a person to stretch their brain. If you've ever tried to wrap your head around the idea of infinity you get close to what we're talking about here. Trying to get the right perspective regarding our own size in a massive universe is incredibly difficult even for us today. Interestingly, most thinkers didn't respond to sublime paintings with the kind of humility and helplessness that you and I might associate with being small people in a big world. In fact, while sublime paintings did focus on how small people were in comparison to nature, they also focus on how impressive it was that such small people could navigate, survive, and even conquer such massive displays of natural force. During the enlightenment, many such paintings highlighted and emphasized man's ability to conquer any horizon and reach any goal. 

This idea of the sublime is now more important and present than ever before. Because we're assaulted with it everyday. 

You and I live in the rarest and most unique part of human history to date. Advances in science and technology have come upon us so incredibly quickly that life as a human being is fundamentally different than it was for our great grandparents. The past hundred years has yielded an explosion in growth and understanding that has changed the way humans look and interact with the world. For the first time in our history as a species, we have the ability to affect the weather, which has always been for us a source of this sublime intuition - something incomprehensibly big, and beyond our control or influence. We have the ability to destroy cities, if not nations, in a single moment. The technology the average American carries around in their pocket every day is a thousand times more complex than the technology they used to send people to space over forty years ago. 

There is a new sense of the Sublime in the postmodern world. Instead of experiencing this awe at witnessing acts of nature, we get this sensation when we try and comprehend the complexity and magnitude of human society and institutions. The scope of the human race, government, technology, art, science, and the massive infrastructure we've built to support ourselves has become so sprawling, vast, and labyrinthine that it is impossible for a single human mind to comprehend it all at once. Just try and imagine all that goes into running a single large city, in a single day. What it takes to produce the electricity, water, fuel, waste disposal, building material necessary to run New York, or London, not to mention all of the governance required, traffic laws, safety codes, measurement standards, health codes, shipping, imports, exports, money, food etc. Or the computers that have become such a fundamental part of the functioning of the human race, computers that even very intelligent and educated individuals aren't entirely sure how they work at a very basic level. The complex organism of a human city is seemingly held together by magic. And that's just a single city on a single day! The reality is that society operates at this level of complexity everywhere, all the time. 

Here is a great example of this new sublime we get from looking at the human race as whole. It's a graph of all of the existent wealth in the world. The sheer size of the graph itself is enough to produce the same feeling we get from looking at pictures of Niagara Falls or Yosemite. 

Not to mention the ever accelerating progress of science, technology, and computers. Gene therapy, particle accelerators, human and technological interface, cloning, the Internet, artificial intelligence. Some scientists even believe that human beings will achieve practical immortality within our lifetimes. 

We live in a big world. 

A world unlike any experienced by our ancestors since the dawn of man. We live in a scary world as well. A world in which everything that we've come to know and depend on for millenia hangs by a thread. A world where EVERYTHING could change in a single day. EVERYTHING is complicated. EVERYTHING is crazy. EVERYTHING is going faster and faster and faster. 

Ok. Take a breath. Let's bring this back to Earth. What does this have to do with gratitude? Well, in pursuit of our goal of daily, active, practical gratitude, I find that it helps me to always keep one eye on the big picture. To look at the world we live in, our place and time, and recognize how inconceivably lucky we are to live in such a strange and unique period. The opportunities and challenges that we face now are some of the biggest our race has ever seen, and are completely different from the problems we've seen before this point. Anything can happen. It's a new world and we, some seven billion people out of presumably fifty billion that have ever lived on Earth, are the ones that get to see it. It becomes hard to complain about Starbucks being out of that one latte flavor you like when you consider that, for the first time, nearly the whole of human knowledge is available, anywhere, anytime, for free, at your fingertips. Like I've mentioned before here, gratitude is all about having the right perspective. Being able to sit down and recognize your piece of the incomprehensibly huge puzzle is part of it.

Secondly, in an increasingly unreliable and foreign world, we are in desperate need of some solid psychological tools to handle the mess. It's easy to go crazy or get scared when we look at the world at large and where things are going. All humans, all seven billion of us, have one little hand on one little ear of a mammoth beast called society - not one of us knows where it's going or what to do with it. But one thing we can do, one thing that has been proven to increase our ability to cope with change, is practice gratitude. Gratitude is an extremely practical and dependable tool in an undependable world. Things may get crazier and crazier, but at least we get to watch the show. That's no small blessing if you can get your head around it. It's hard to see it without getting knocked over, but being grateful for the big picture is the first step toward being able to cope with it. 

Giving Thanks in All Things

A good friend of mine recently sent me this article, written by Seth Hahne, concerning gratitude in the United States. it's an excellent and thought provoking article that I highly suggest you read in full, but in summary the author's point is this: In a modern industrialized economy like that of the United States, many of the blessings we take for granted every day are available to us through the coercion or exploitation of other human beings. In brief, the costs of living in a first world nation are often born on the backs of those in developing countries. Mr. Hahne writes: 

"Even as we recognize just how good, easy, and comfortable we have it, it doesn’t take a lot of reflection to remember that much of the fruits we enjoy come at a human cost. The blessings for which we are to be thankful are, in a manner, ill-gotten gains. Materials used in our laptops and iPads are ethically dubious. The diamonds on our engagement rings are ethically dubious. Materials used in tech industries are ethically dubious. The health and welfare of those producing these materials is a cost most of us are blithely willing to pay because a) those costs are paid remotely, b) convenience is one of our foremost idols, and c) everyone else is doing it."

Another friend led me to this rather disturbing link, which, following a series of questions about one's consumption habits, estimates how many people working in slave labor conditions around the world support your lifestyle. I was distressed to find that my own lifestyle, despite living a rather spartan bachelor life (By American standards) in a developing country, requires roughly 21 slaves internationally to sustain it. It's a shameful fact of our time that, despite the best of intentions by many, it is almost impossible to live a comfortable life in an industrialized nation in a globalized economy without benefiting from the exploitation of some other human being in some other part of the world. 

The author's question is this: How can we be thankful for blessings gained by exploiting the weak?

In the Bible, we read the command in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 to "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Sometimes I wonder how I am justified in being able to write about gratitude. Considering I'm a young, educated, American male, with a good job, good health, relatively unlimited economic and legal freedom, with a loving family, healthy social and spiritual life, etc. It's easy for me to be grateful. But how dare I write about gratitude to those who are ill, dying, poor, crippled, oppressed, old, lonely, and unhappy? Especially when some of the advantages that I've had in life came directly from the oppression of other human beings? What right do I have? I'll be honest, these and ideas like them have caused me no little distress. 

But what it comes down to is this: I don't write about gratitude because I think it's a moral imperative (although I do think that). I don't write about gratitude because I want to tell other people how to feel or how to live. I don't want to "sell" gratefulness. I write about gratitude because I sincerely believe and am committed to the fact that a grateful life is the best and healthiest way to live - for everyone.  It's been clinically shown that gratitude helps people to lead a happy, healthy life - no matter their socioeconomic position. I have been so blessed to be grateful in my abundance, how much more so the one who can be grateful in their poverty? 

There is always something to be grateful for. Those who are strong enough to find that thing, to be grateful in abject misery, are powerful, graceful, admirable people. 

How can we be grateful in a cancer ward? How can we be grateful in divorce court? At a funeral? In the gutter? How can we be grateful at a banquette table that's been paid for by the blood and sweat of the weak and oppressed?

Gratitude is a skill. We increase our proficiency in that skill by daily practice. A soldier or policeman trains his body every day, for the single moment in his career when that training will count. A swimmer trains his body every day, so that he will perform well on race day. In the same way, we need to practice gratitude in our daily abundance so that we can be grateful even when we have nothing. One of my favorite anonymous quotes goes like this:

"Mind your thoughts, they become your words.

Mind your words, they become your actions.

Mind your actions, they become your habits.

Mind your habits, they become your character.

Mind your character, it determines your destiny." 

By slowly training our minds to be in a constant state of gratitude, by arresting every thought and making it submit, by actively taking control of what and how we think, we train ourselves to become grateful people. Becoming a grateful person may require a 180 degree turn, taken one degree at a time. We may have to actively search for things in our lives to be grateful for, but they are there. It may be no more than a functioning body, a few moments with a friend, good weather, the absence of some other trial or pain, a clean mind. I'm grateful for people who are happy to see me, for objects that have a satisfying weight, for a good high five or handshake. The little things may be little, but some people don't have even these things, and still manage to be grateful - because they have practiced and mastered the art of gratitude. 

A few weeks ago I was ill with a sore throat. It was hard to concentrate on being grateful when I had this minor irritating pain to deal with. But whenever I was feeling irritated or aggravated by my illness, I tried to actively stop my thought process, and replace the thought with a grateful one. One thing that I try to remember when I'm feeling sick is that without minor illnesses, pains, and injuries, we would be unable to recognize how wonderful it is when our bodies are healthy and functioning. How sweet it is to wake up after a long illness, and feel fine and healthy again. But how can we expect ourselves to be grateful when we're sick if we didn't practice being grateful in our health? 

This leads me back to Mr. Hahne's question (which he answers himself very gracefully by the way). How can we be thankful for ill gotten gains? Well, the only real answer is that we need to actively investigate and flee from the evil of slavery in all forms, we have to decide with our wallets and with our lifestyle, whenever possible, to choose ethically produced goods and services.

However, recognizing the sad impossibility of living a life of perfectly ethical consumption, I propose a second question: Which is worse, to enjoy the fruits of exploitation with gratitude, reverence, and awareness of the sacrifice that others have made? Or to enjoy those same fruits with ignorance, greed, and ungratefulness? I propose the former. 

Does this mean we should be grateful for injustice, exploitation, and slavery? No. Absolutely not. I hate injustice. I hate having to choose the lesser of two evils, and I absolutely abhor any economic system so fundamentally based on exploitation and coercion. But when it comes down to living in the real world of corruption, crime and brutality: it is absolutely imperative that we reverently and gratefully accept our blessings, while condemning and fleeing from the sin and crime that have brought us those same blessings.

If our electronics are assembled from resources harvested by children, if our shoes are built by slave laborers, if we really can't afford or don't have access to ethically produced versions of the things we actually need, then we'd better damn well recognize the fact that someone else suffered so we could have something nice. We have a moral obligation to those people to be at least grateful for their pains, while at the same time actively working toward the emancipation, respect, and economic health of all people - insofar as it is within our power. 

An Introduction to the Art of Gift Giving

Perhaps you've heard the story of the Gift of the Magi. Two lovers who were very poor wanted to get each other Christmas gifts, even though they had both agreed that they couldn't afford to get gifts that year. The man spotted one day a jewel encrusted comb of great beauty. So he pawned his prized possession, his grandfather's pocket watch, so that he could buy his wife this gift. The wife one day found a gold watch chain that would look perfectly on her husbands watch. Having no money to buy the chain, she cut her long silky hair and sold it to buy her husband this gift. On Christmas day the two revealed what they had sacrificed to show the other how they loved them, and despite having no use for the gifts, they realized that they had a love that could withstand great sacrifice. 

What does it take to give good gifts? What can we do to become skilled at the art of gift giving? Well, Michael Angelo started by putting paint on canvas. If we want to be masters at expressing our gratitude, then we have to start at the beginning. This is part two in a three part series on the Art of Giving and Receiving gifts. Today I want to talk about how to give a good gift. Consider this an Intro to Beginners Gift Giving. I want to give here some basics on how to start giving good, real, meaningful gifts. Let's open our paint set and get started. 

As I see it, a gift can have value in two categories: functionality or practicality, and sentimental or personal value. I find that most gifts can be found along a spectrum between the two:

 

A broken treadmill is an awful gift, so are pictures of strangers. They have no practical or personal value. Your goal is strike a perfect balance between the two.Yes, that home made sweater took a lot of soul to make, but will they actually wear it? Cash is tacky, but useful. (Note. in my opinion, stay away from gift cards. They are less useful than cash, and try to affect emotional significance by saying, "Hey! I really know very little about you, but I assume that you can probably find something at Barnes and Noble/Best Buy/Other anonymous department store." Do the work, get them a real gift.) In giving a gift, we often try to be smarter than the person receiving the gift. We think, "What's something this person really needs or wants, but would never buy for themselves?" This is very difficult. Most of the time, if they wanted it, they could buy it themselves. You could run the risk of buying them something they can't afford, but that gift often becomes a shame and a burden to both of you. Or you could buy them something you know they don't have or haven't thought to buy for themselves, and run the risk of getting them something they don't actually want or wont use. 

We often start the whole gift giving process off on the wrong foot by asking, "What will this person want?" Instead of asking, "What will tell them how grateful I am for them?" Don't get me wrong, it's important to take what they want into account - but gift giving should revolve around the core question of how to love your recipient, not around getting them what they want. 

For this reason, and many others, I prefer homemade gifts. They have more character, usually take more time, and express more of the person giving and receiving the gift. The problem here is that a homemade gift often sacrifices practicality. These are the kinds of gifts children get their parents. Drawings on the fridge, popsicle stick picture frames, painted rock paper weights, etc. Parents love them because their kids made them, not because they really needed a paper weight. Unfortunately, we believe that we can't get away with this as adults. However the best gifts I have received have been made, albeit skillfully, by hand. One of the best gifts I ever received was from my Mom. I had no idea that she could draw, but for some reason she decided to give me a drawing of a dolphin that she had made into a refrigerator magnet. Why a dolphin? I have no idea. But it was an excellent gift because she made it, for me, to the best of her ability. It was a great drawing and I could use it to boot. Personal + functional = great gift. 

Frankly, I think we too often air on the practical side and buy gifts that have little personality. Like painting in black and white, we buy gifts for people at the same stores they are buying gifts for other people. If you would rather buy a gift than make one, why not find them something that would be hard for them to get themselves? Perhaps something at a garage sale, or antique store, or on ebay. Get them something that not anyone can get. It may sound rude at first to get them something that's been used, but perhaps they would like something with a little more color than X new video game or anonymous best seller - which they could probably buy themselves if they really wanted. 

What you need to give a good gift

So now that we've covered some basic gift theory, let's see what the ingredients of a good gift include. In my experience, all good gifts consist of four primary ingredients. Without these, your gift will be doomed to mediocrity. (Not that all mediocre gifts are bad, as we shall see. Occasionally a spontaneous gift with little forethought is the most perfect one. As with all art forms, a novice knows the rules, a master knows the exceptions.) So what goes into a good gift?

-Time - A good gift takes time. Time to decide what to get. Time to find it. Time to make it. Time to present it properly. This is why a good gift is so rare. The more time put into a gift, the better it is. It really depends on how much time you are willing to invest. For me this is that hardest part of giving a gift. Sometimes you may spend hours carefully deciding what you want to say with your gift, choosing what object would express that idea well, formulating a picture or idea in your mind, and systematically collecting or assembling each component of your gift, painting, sanding, knitting, welding, building. Or perhaps you may search garage sales and thrift stores religiously, surfing ebay compulsively looking for who knows what, until you stumble upon the perfect thing for a certain person like a flash of lightning. Until you have that sense of certainty about your gift, you haven't put in enough time. When you can say, "That is it!" with all assurance, you're golden. If ever think about your gift, "Well, this will do I suppose," even for a moment, you have chosen a mediocre gift. Investing time into your gift shows that you are willing to pay a cost for your recipient, which brings me to my next point.

 

-Cost - A good gift should cost you something. Now, this isn't necessarily money. Perhaps it's time, or emotional resources, or a good deal of research, creativity, and hard work. When we are willing to settle on cash or gift cards, we are saying precisely, "I am willing to spend 50 American dollars and 3 minutes of thought on you. No more, no less." I think the cost of a good gift should be greater, and more ambiguous. Perhaps your gift says, "I am willing to spend four hours thinking about you, glue, varnish, paint, $25, 12 working man hours, and a hammered thumb on getting you a good gift." That's more like it. The best gift I ever received was from a friend in college. It's a small cushioned kneeling pad used for prayer that my friend had sown an image of a thorny crown upon. It took her months to make. It's a beautiful thing. It has immense personal value, and I used it every day in the states. But what made it the perfect gift is that it reflected our relationship, and uniquely expressed both of our personalities. Her gift was enriched because of the context. 

 

-Context - None of these rules are hard and fast. There are times when cash is the most sincere and valuable gift a person can give. There are times when a delicate handmade gift is wildly inappropriate. It all depends on the context. Remember, a gift expresses the meaning of a relationship between one person and another person (or couple, or group of people). It should therefore reflect the unique characteristics of that relationship. A good gift has some history behind it. It has a story.  It should be the sum of all the experiences, conversations, struggles, reconciliations, good times, and bad that you have shared with that person. A good gift for one person is a terrible gift for another. Therefore, the deeper relationship you have with the person, the greater potential you have to give a meaningful gift. The context of a gift is often the hardest to navigate, it really takes some delicacy and artfulness to do it well. But when considered with precision, it is context that gives a gift its meaning. 

-Love - A gift can't express what isn't there. Unless you genuinely love and feel gratitude toward your recipient, how can you possibly give them a good gift? In fact, what's the point of getting a gift for someone you don't love? A good gift cannot be given under compulsion. This is why I'm generally against secret santas and other games like it. This is also why it's a shame that gift giving has been marginalized to Christmas, Valentines, and birthdays. The spontaneity and unexpectedness of a gift is a supremely important tool in our gift giving toolbox. Why? Because an unexpected gift says, "The love I have for you is not restricted to the time of the year when I'm expected to get something for you." A gift given under compulsion isn't a gift, it's a payment. A tax. Whereas a gift given out of love is immediately recognized. Taking gift giving seriously may mean that you actually end up giving less gifts that you are used to. That's ok. After all, gifts are about quality, not quantity. And a mediocre gift, given without love, will be soon forgotten. 

I realize that this is a lot to ask, especially for those who are expected to give several gifts to multiple people each year. Giving a good gift costs a lot of personal resources. If I could give only one gift a year to one person, but have it be a truly good gift, I would do so in a heartbeat. Most of the time I would rather not receive a gift at all than receive one that had little meaning or effort behind it. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I would rather that the giver save their resources for his or her own needs than spend them getting a gift that doesn't work. That being said, receiving a gift is almost as delicate an art as giving one. Next week, I'll complete this series by talking about how to receive a gift well, with grace and gratitude.